From within Grief, Loss, Transition and Transformation, I have found my courage to consciously create my future, to ask for what I want. I surrender to the unknown and choose to actively create my vision from inside this moment: Grief. Allowing the discovery of what “this” is, not solely the grief but the being in the grief, I let go of the fear and use the pain inherent in my perception of loss to discover my purpose now.
My motherhood hopes and dreams; dashed by fate or by choice. What is this choice inherent in being born woman? With all of my eggs I wait for the possibility, the responsibility. It is a grand abyss: the choice whether or not to mother and how one becomes “mother”.
Having had my happy and well adjusted non-biological daughter illegally removed from my custody after 9 years of mothering; I discover this is my family. I want to create more. Does she need a sibling? Will they know each other as family? My desire to conceive is in part my daughter’s desire to have a sibling. How shall I proceed without her here in my life at this time? Conscious Conception: to bring in a life that is in keeping with the highest good of all involved. To vision when I don’t know what “it” looks like. My future is not a house, a job, a thing. It is a feeling a sense. How do I vision a sense? One visions something seen. Vision is noun and verb. The verb of something felt is to feel. So I practice feeling my future. I turn this feeling into a cellular reality which then makes my feeling tangible. Create now. Begin. Start. Be.
Which Who Where When What Stolen How Soon Now Why Know Again Hidden Abyss
Trust Hope Long Hold Pull Draw Follow Be Ask Soften Open Come If Mine Jump Bare
Time Drop Rise In Out Ease Savor Quest
An invitation to wonder to dream unattached, to courage myself into being……………
To conceive from what is, create from this moment not the next. When “what is” is grief; embrace this.
Frankie Travis